I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
