he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
