Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
