Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
