Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
