she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
