please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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