Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
