Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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