Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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