you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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