Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
