I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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