tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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