idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
