Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
