So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
