it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
