Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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