Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
