The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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