once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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