You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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