Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
