How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
