I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
