had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
