sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
