if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
