the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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