Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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