if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
