I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
