I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
