i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
