So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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