the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
