Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
