ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We don't watch enough power rangers
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
