I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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