My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i now understand why vodka
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
