My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
