the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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