Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
