sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
third nipple confirmed
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
