when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
