Can i not drive my cunt home
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
