Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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