Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
