is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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